grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
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Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
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I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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