I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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