Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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