Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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