note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
