i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
