You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I don't deserve a penis
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
