ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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