I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
