I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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