Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
