can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
