woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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