explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
