I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
