i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
