last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
