I checked into jail on foursquare
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I have aggressive nipples.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
