Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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