You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
