My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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