dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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