Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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