sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
