I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dear god my vagina.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
