I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
