She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
