So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
