Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
