Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
