You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
