You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
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It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
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I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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