So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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