You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
