Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
