whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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