I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
