We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
