I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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