and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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