Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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