Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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