Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
