Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
