I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
