Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
