You're my little dorito
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
