I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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