dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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