We won't sleep together?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
