A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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