Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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