I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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