this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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