am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
