i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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