omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
