ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
