we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
