Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
