Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
