I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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