I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
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It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
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Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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