Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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