And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
