Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
