pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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