His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize