NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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