Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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